DC: Wonder Woman is too difficult to find a movie audience for-
Marvel: YO YOU LIKE BLACK WIDOW? HERE SHE IS IN THE NEXT CAPTAIN AMERICA MOVIE WITH A TON OF SCREENTIME AND MAJOR ASSKICKING SKILLS
DC: We can't allow the lesbians in Batwoman to get married in the comic, sorry.
Marvel: HEY GUESS WHAT WE'RE GONNA FEATURE A GAY WEDDING ON THE COVER OF AN X-MEN ISSUE
DC: The new direction for storytelling needs to be dark, gritty, mature and cynical.
Marvel: DUDE CHECK IT OUT LOKI GOES SPEED DATING IS THAT NOT THE BEST SHIT EVER
DC: After years of rumors, the Superman/Batman movie is finally coming, but with a new actor and suit for Batman and MAYBE a cameo from Wonder Woman.
Marvel: PHASE 2 MOTHERFUCKERS EVERYONE IS IN EVERYONE'S MOVIE AND THERE AIN'T NO STOPPIN US NOW
DC: We can try to add maybe one or two 'people of color' to our lineup...maybe...
Marvel: NEW MS MARVEL THAT'S MUSLIM AMERICAN, BITCHES.
DC: We feel no problem with Batman's vengeful personality being like wet cardboard.
Marvel: NEW LATINA GHOST RIDER WHO SEEKS VENGEANCE WHILE TAKING HIS AWEET LIL BRO FOR ICE CREAM
DC: We can't mention any superhero titles in our movies, that's ridiculous.
Marvel: FUCK YEAH YOU WANT A RACOON VOICED BY BRADLEY COOPER WITH A GIANT GUN? YOU WANT VIN DIESEL PLAYING A TREE? AMY FUCKING POND PLAYING A SEXY BALD SPACE PIRATE? HERE YOU FUCKERS GO
DC: Our fanbase is mostly white males, I'm sure our focus is-
Marvel: NEW SHE HULK LINE WHERE SHE GOES TO COURT THEN SAVES NEW YORK
Marvel: NEW FEMALE THOR
DC: I didn't-
Marvel: NEW BLACK CAPTAIN AMERICA
Marvel: TAKE ALL THIS COOL SHIT MARVEL BE OUTIE
No, but my favourite thing is that they showed up and all the other twins had matching outfits so they left and went across the road and bought matching shirts and wore them for the entire audition process.
ME VS SDCC 2014
Friday from 11-12 is the IMAGE PANEL in room 23 ABC. Me and Kel and Chip will be there and many many more. Then from 12-2, roughly, at the IMAGE BOOTH there’s a ticketed signing. That’s a me-and-Chipper affair. Then at 4 I’m doing the #HowardCon show with Bendis, Jim Lee, and Scott Snyder. That’s a small town hall style thing, I’m told; I don’t know if they’ve released where it’s going to be so if you’re into that kind of thing, search that hashtag some. We’re presenting at the Eisners on Friday evening, Kel and I, so we’ll be there that evening. She will look dynamite in a [hot pink] floor-length stunnah; I will look like a hobo someone paid in lunchmeat to act as my assassination decoy. Then on SATURDAY from 11-12, same deal, a ticketed thing at Image. I’ll just look like me then. Other than that I’ll do my level best to swing by the Fantagraphics booth, as it remains a singular thrill to buy Fanta stuff in advance of its publication, especially if it’s LOVE AND ROCKETS related, and even more so if it’s from Los Bros theyowndamnselves.